Sunday, September 25, 2011

Impulse

Above is a painting I started today. It is part of the motion paintings I've been exploring on and off for the past year. It is VERY sketchy, and has a lot of work to go.
I think I'm going to title it "Impulse".

Why?

Well, looking at it, I couldn't decide if she is falling or forcing or being pushed. You really could look at it in all ways, as far as I can see. On one hand, she looks like she may be falling, even ducking, in order to avoid something. In another sense she looks like she could be forcing a somewhat violent action, almost like a motion of rebellion. And of course, she looks like she could be being pushed downward, perhaps to her surprise.
So I thought about these three actions, and how they are tied. Two are reactive, but in totally different ways. One is completely against the will, in some regards.
I will be somewhat candid, but I can see all of these gestures as also pains of the heart. I have a good friend who is going through an awful divorce right now. He leaves out a lot of info, but my gist on the situation is that he has a lot of all three of these reactions going on right now. He seems to have that insane feeling of falling, when you don't know where the ground is and you have those knee-jerk reactions. He also seems to be forcing a lot... forcing himself to be strong, forcing himself to be open, forcing himself to deal and forget. And he is definitely being pushed into a place that is horribly uncomfortable for him.. this is obvious.
All of these reactions could also be called impulses. The term means as follows:


Impulse:
1. The influence of a particular feeling, mental state, etc..
2. sudden, involuntary inclination prompting to action
3. an instance of this
4. a psychic drive or instinctual urge
5.an impelling action or force, driving onward or inducing motion.

Well, in light of these definitions, I think this is an interesting word to pair with this painting. There's always a new way to tell the same old thing, right??
I find it interesting that the first definition, and the one agreed upon most apparently, is one that I would think claims for the subject to have a certain amount of say or reasoning. It does not seem to have quite as much force and lack of choice attached to its meaning. The second, just as the others, seems to abide to the term "involuntary" a little closer.
I find this unique. When I use the term impulse, I immediately think of an impulse buy. Like those damn gummy bears they put next to the check out at Ace hardware. There is a moment of tension every time I have to buy sandpaper. " I want the gummy bears, they are just what I need right now.... but seriously? Do I NEED gummies?? But they are only 99 cents..... but that is 99 cents closer to diabetes..." and so on. C'mon... don't tell me you don't do this in some form. And that is a small example. What about when it comes to life choices? What about love? what about professions? Do we got through this whole painful back and forth of involuntary reasoning?? Is that an oxymoron or what!
So there's a lot of tension, and in turn, a lot to be learned from those impulsive moments. I like trying to paint something that is so hard to talk about.
Forgive the babble. And the impulse to share.

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